Chapters 12 and 13: Different perspectives and New routines

 

Chapter 12: different perspectives

              During college I took it upon myself to teach myself Japanese. On a study-away trip in England, I took a spring vacation in Japan and was enamored by the people and cultural differences. It was such a different way of living life than I had a grown up with. I wanted to learn the language so that I could go back and talk to people in Japan in native tongue and get a better understanding of what it would have been like to grow up and spend formative years there. It was another way of exploring the rich, complex web of narratives that people create across the world. To this end, after college I decided that I would go and work in Japan. I called a number I had taken a picture of in the elevator of a hostel in Tokyo that stated they were searching for cleaning staff. They asked me to send a resume and letter of intent. I told them my goal was to get better at speaking Japanese while I was there. They told me that I could come work and for payment they would provide free lodging. I would not receive any stipend or other payment in order to avoid certain work-visa requirements. And so I had a 4 week job lined up at K’s-House Hostel in Asakusa Tokyo that would begin after graduating college. I told my parents—who weren’t exactly pleased with the quickness of my decision—and then bought plane tickets. Then I took back out my Japanese language books and began to study again.

              A few months later I was on my flight to Japan with two backpacks and a lot of excitement. It was one of the nicest international flights I had ever been on. The flight attendant noticed that I was studying Japanese and sat down next to me and offered to help practice. It was good early conversation practice. She asked me what I was doing and where I was going. I told her. She took out a map and attempted to show me how I would get there after landing, and then shared with me several useful smart-phone apps that may help me along the way. I thanked her for her help. We landed. I deboarded, found my luggage, and then went to the large train station. I looked at the directions the flight attendant gave me and did my best to figure it out. I was thankful that I could read most of the ticket machine due to it being in basic Japanese. As I fiddled with the machine, an elderly Japanese woman came up to me and asked if I needed any help. I told her no thank you, that I knew where I was going, in Japanese. She seemed impressed. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. I bought my ticket, then connected to the Wifi and attempted to download the navigation app I had been told about. Apparently google didn’t have as many rights in Japan, and so navigation through google maps was often flawed. I also active my international data pass so that my phone would work in the country. I boarded the sky train and took note of my stop.

              I sat down next to some nice Japanese looking folk who looked like they had just gotten off the plane as well. I excused myself and told them where I was trying to go and asked if they would help make sure that I didn’t get off at the wrong stop. They obliged. Then I took out my study materials  in preparation for the long train ride. The nice family made small talk with me—a welcome opportunity for practice.

              The train eventually pulled into a station in Asakusa. The family told me that this is where I got off and I dutifully followed. With my luggage I worked my way up the escalators from the subway. At the subway entrance there was a convince store called “Lawson.’ I looked in the window to see a plethora of ready-made food nearby a magazine rack filled with porno-mags. Convince-indeed. An older Japanese businessman was standing at the magazine rack pursuing one of the mags. So public, so strange, I thought to myself. I entered the lawson and walked to the back. There was a heated shelf filled with bottled hot drinks. I grabbed a “boss coffee,” and then I went to the bread isle and picked up a melon bread. I went to the counter and paid. Then I asked the shopkeeper if he knew where K’s-House was. He shrugged and then pointed out the window. “If you keep going that way, you should find it. It’s in one of the side-streets.” I walked out and opened my coffee and started to walk in the general direction I was directed. The roads were relatively empty, but the streets felt like a maze. I opened a map on my phone and tried to figure out exactly where I was and where to go. I re-read the email from K’s House instructing me where to go. It didn’t help. Before long I was on a different street corner, completely lost. It began to rain. A younger Japanese man with died brown hair approached me from across the street. He waved “Are you Dylan?” he asked. I was shocked. How did he know who I was?  I told him yes, and that I was looking for K’s House and that I was completely lost. He assured me that it happens all the time. “You must be the new cleaning staff.” He said. “I’ll show you where it is.” He led me in the opposite direction as I was heading before. His name was Saki. I was incredibly grateful for his help.

              K’s house was a quant-appearing building with a beautiful wooden-gate door and large glass windows that displayed prominently the common-space. Inside there were several guests and staff who appeared to be drinking something. Saki led me in. He instructed where I could put my shoes prior to entering. I took off my shoes and entered. A nice looking woman sat at the welcome desk. “Good evening and thank you for having me” I called out in Japanese as soon as I entered. Most people were around a round table on a tatami matt drinking from small paper cups. The woman welcomed me, said I must be Dylan, the new cleaning staff, I confirmed this. She asked me how my flight was, and said I must be tired. Yes. I set my luggage down to the side, finished my coffee, and tossed it in a recycle bin. The woman informed me that it happened to be “free drink night” at the hostel tonight, and that I was welcome to a drink. Just my luck!

              I took a cup, poured some sweet plum wine, and joined the other staff at the round table and began to get to know them. They were all very kind and accommodating. They asked if I had travel plans while in Tokyo. I told them no, that I wanted to practice Japanese and live as much like a normal person as I could while I was there. They thought this was a little strange, but seemed supportive in general. They told me that we each got to pick one day off per week, occasionally you got two, and that if I wanted to travel anywhere I should use that time in order to do it.

              Drink night fizzled to an end. Another one of the staff, Tomo, informed me that I would be staying in a nearby apartment with some of the other staff. He told me that he would lead the way and gave me a key. We left K’s House and walked a few blocks through side-streets to the nearby apartment. It was a big building with two large glass doors and a security camera. The key opened the door. We get on the elevator and go to the 4^th floor. It was a small apartment. When you entered there was a small kitchen to the right and a living-room area directly in front through a sliding door. The bathroom was all the way to the the right. Through a door on the left was a small bedroom with a cot and a bunk-bed. I was informed that I would be sleeping on the cot. Then I was given some closet space. I put myself away, made the bed, and got ready for bed. Tomo would sleep here as well, so would another staff member named Hiroki. Tomo led me to the kitchen. In one of the cupboards was shared rice that the hostel provided. He showed me the other shared foods, and then explained how they had been dividing the fridge and freezer space. I ate my melon bread and tossed the wrapper. Then thanked Tomo. He asked me if I would like him to use English or Japanese in general. I told him Japanese. I was grateful for the question. I went to the bathroom to freshen up. There was an initial atrium with the sink and toliet, and then another door leading to the shower and bath. Then I went to the room and introduced myself to Hiroki. He was working at the hostel just to make ends meet while he tried to learn Guitar and write music. His dream was to move to New York one day and become a musician. He told me he was excited to ask me all sorts of questions about America. I told him that I hoped I could be helpful, but that we would see. Then Tomo came into the bedroom. He told me that we would need to be at the hostel by 8 am tomorrow to get our schedules and to start work. There would be coffee at the hostel that we could drink for free, as well as some bread that we were welcome to eat. He was anticipating all of my questions. We turned off the light. I told Tomo and Hiroki goodnight, took a Benadryl in an attempt to fall asleep faster, and shut my eyes. Quickly I realized that there was going to be a problem. Despite the humid summer night air of Tokyo, the heater was on. The room was blisteringly warm and humid. I started sweating straight through my sheets. I grabbed the fan remote and turned the fan on, then turned the temperature down a couple of degrees. I hoped that the others wouldn’t mind. I fell asleep for maybe an hour or two. I woke up to some of the loudest snoring I had ever heard in my life. It was Tomo. I reached for my bag and grabbed some earphones and my phone and tried to drown it all out with some rain sounds. It was barely effective. I heard Tomo whisper all of a sudden that it was cold. He reached for the remote and turned up the heat and then turned off the fan. This was certainly the sleeping situation from hell for me. I decided that I would talk to him about the temperature tomorrow morning. I went to the closet and found a small clip fan and positioned it to blow against my face. I doffed most of my sheets and attempted to get back to sleep. I woke around 6 in the morning. It was not a restful night. I grabbed a change of clothes, took a quick shower, and got ready to go to the hostel. Tomo and Hiroki were awake as well. They showered too. When Tomo came out I asked him if we could keep the room any colder at night. He said that a little colder would be OK, but that it couldn’t be lower than 23 Celsius, a brisk 73 Fahrenheit. I was hoping for colder, but I supposed it was better than nothing or the previous 25 C plus. We all walked over to the hostel together.

              When we entered I had a quick cup of coffee and a slice of toast. The owner had a schedule and explained how the work would be divvied up each day. We would be split into teams and assigned different floors to thoroughly clean, including bathrooms. I was paired with a girl named Megume and I was going to be in charge of cleaning floor 3. Megume showed me where the cleaning closet was. We picked up our cleaning baskets with all the supplies and rags and towels. Then we got our room keys and took the elevator up. Megume also showed me where the cleaning closet on the 3^rd floor was that had items such as the vacuum and soaps and conditioners, because we had to refill the bathroom amenities as well. Megume picked up the list of beds that needed to be changed (cleaned and sheets replaced), then showed me where the new sheets and pillow-cases were. We divided up the men’s and women’s dormitories. We started with a shared dormitory so that she could show me how to do the job. We knock on the door. “Room service!” Then use the key to open it. There are still two guests in the room who appear that they are having a slow morning. Megume goes to the beds that need to be rotated. Sheets doffed, then spray the mattress with the cleaning solution, wipe it down, put it up to dry, afterwards put on the new sheets. We also need to empty the humidifier. Clean the windowsill, clean the sink, bathroom, and mirror, then take the vacuum and do a quick once-over. Any items that seem like they were lost are placed in little plastic baggies and brought down to the main lobby to be added to the list. Then take out the trash. All the little trash bags go into one bigger plastic trash bag to be taken down to the bottom later. The whole process seems like an enormous waste of plastic. I assure megume that I believe I have the hang of it. I change out the last bed that needs to be flipped. We go back into the hall and split up the rest of the work. It goes by relatively quickly. Then we turn our attention to the bedrooms and showers. She shows me how to clean them. Then we have to empty the lint traps in the washing machine and dryer. Last up we vacuum the whole floor and part of the stairs. Roughly 3 hours after starting, we are done with the floor. We go back down and see some of the other co-workers. We all say “good work” to each other in Japanese. Now it’s time to socialize and I can really get an opportunity to practice Japanese. I’m told that everyone is going to izakaya for a party later that evening because one of the other coworkers from Germany named Johana is leaving the next day.

              I ask where the nearest grocery store is. A coworker named Kazu draws a map for me indicating its location. He states that it is in a large department store in the basement. Another spritely coworker, Ayaco, states that she needs to go shopping as well anyway, and that she’ll show me the way. I’m grateful for the help and we head out. We chat about our hometowns and upbringing along the way. She asked me what my dreams and hobbies are. I tell her that I want to become a doctor, and that I like playing music and singing. She states that she wants to one day open her own hostel. She enjoys bringing people together. She also loves music and plays in a band. They have a gig in about a week that I should go to. She also tells me that she’d love to host a dinner and music night at her place sometime in the future. We get to the department store and head down the escalator. It’s a large store with several isles. I grab a basket. There is scant produce to the left side of the store. I am unsure of what to buy. Ayako suggests I make some Japanese curry. As we shop I can feel glances and glares from the other shoppers. They look at me as though I don’t belong. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I thought that I had a chaperone, why was this happening? Especially when everyone was so friendly before? I began to realize that it may be more difficult than I had previously imagined to live just a “normal life” in Japan for a bit and try to understand what that would be like. From the produce I pick out some onions and eggplant. It is not good produce, rather limp. Then we go to the meats, I pick out some chicken. Going down the isles I pick up some “golden curry.” Ayako tells me that there is a knock-off Korean version, and laughs while telling me how korea makes so many knock-off Japanese foods. We walk down some other isles and I pick up some snacks and beer. Ayako shows me the “ready-made” food section. Every day after 5 pm this ready food, including sushi and cutlets and soups and the like is 50% off. Apparently people get very aggressive for this ready-made food, and take large carts around and fill them to the brim and demand that everything be 50% off. While in the department store I’m surprised by how much plastic is used for everything. It looks like every food is double-wrapped. Even the snack bags have individual bags inside. We buy our groceries and walk back. I go to the apartment and drop mine off. Tomo is there. He is excited that I have golden curry. He states that he’ll show me the secret to making it super good. I thank him. Then I start prepping to cook. I’m happy that things seem to be going well trying to live in Japan, but I’m worried that there will be several bumps later on that I am unprepared for. I’m grateful for this, however. Looking back based on where I am now and with everything going on in my life currently, I wonder if we can ever experience true growth without significant hardship. And I’m thankful that I had put myself in a position of such exquisite hardship at an earlier time in life, and ironically am grateful for what this current experience has offered from a growth nd life-perspective standpoint. We will return later to the Japan story, but there are other areas I want to touch on first. For Japan taught me that I cannot take belonging for granted, that I should be grateful for the things I have, and the easier beliefs I hold, and the way the world can be designed to care for me. And viscerally how that is not the case for all persons. And so after Japan that is the perspective I entered medical education with. We’ll return with other details later.

Chapter 13: New routines:

Well, that was the original plan, to reexplore other aspects prior to returning to my time in Japan. But now, as I sit down to think and write again, I think it best to round off this narrative before getting into some of the more mortal subjects ahead.

              Fairly quickly I developed a routine in Japan. Wake up, make breakfast, go to work, hang out with some of the staff, then do my shopping, maybe explore the city a little bit. I went to the local second-hand book store, “Book-off” and picked up some easy-to-read graphic novels that I could use for Japanese practice. After a few days, one of the clerks at a local convience store began to recognize me and greet me by name. I felt as though I were becoming accepted. In the evenings I would return to the apartment and cook a meal and sit and talk with Tomo and Hiroki in the living area. They would have the TV on in the background. I opened one of my new books and a small bottle of wine that I had gotten from 7-11. I heard that alcohol could make it easier to learn a language. I wanted every possible advantage I could get. I began to study. Pretty soon I became distracted by the television. The program was on 7-11 food items. Japanese people were trying to guess which would be foreigners’ favorite items from 7-11. And then they would try them and take us through their production. We watched it together for a while, making our bets, before walking down to the local 7-11 to pick up some of the featured products in order to make the evening a little more interactive. It was a fun way to pass the time. I began learning more about my roommates. Hiroki of course still wanted to become a musician in New York. He was struggling with learning to play the guitar currently. Ayako was helping him a bit. He was worried he’d never make it. Currently he was playing as a cover artist occasionally at some local venues. He invited us to go to one in a couple weeks. Tomo’s dream was to eventually open a café. He wanted to bring creative people together from all over, and he also loved coffee. He had so many questions for me since I was from Seattle, which he considered one of the Coffee centers of the world.

              The evening wound down. Tomorrow we would all go out with the other staff for izakaya. The next morning work and breakfast were uneventful. I felt like my Japanese was improving. I was finding it easier to communicate with my co-workers and with some of the guests. And with all the exploring I had done, I was able to help most guests with local questions and suggestions. I was really starting to feel like I was developing a sense of belonging, like I was starting an entirely different life. It was exhilarating. Early on I noticed that my thought patterns and even outward personality was different when I used Japanese. Like the very language and the cultural context in which I was using the language seemed to reprogram my brain. Thoughts and topics that I hadn’t previously considered before flowed much more readily into my brain and became central parts of my sense of self. And others dissipated. I began to think much more about conformity and gender roles and fitting in and not standing out. Not to say this was better or worse than my English side, but it was curious nonetheless and I felt as though it developed almost as a survival technique. I was pleased with what seemed like a new super-power-a way to all-of-a-sudden change the tracks on my brain. I talked with my older, close friend from Kyoto, Yuki, extensively about this, because she had studied English. She described a similar phenomenon for herself when using English. Later we enjoyed talking about our experiences and these strange new personalities and the implications therein. Like, how does a person become the person they are? How does a person change? What actually makes the self? What controls the flow of personal or self-information. It seemed to open a whole philosophical bag of warms. I was excited to explore this personally.

              That evening we went to a local Izakaya for Johana’s going away. Izakaya was a semi-private Japanese pub dining experience. The whole staff got together a at a large table in the back in a little cubby. I was told that the hostel would comp this meal. I sat in the back next to a phone. They passed out menus. Tomo explained to me that in order to order we either yell down a waiter or use the phone. It was aggressively impolite, and I was shocked that something like this existed in Japan. Several co-workers yelled down a waiter and ordered several shared plates for the entire table. Then a liter of beer for everyone (except Johana, she did not drink). Food and drink came, and the whole table entered into lively conversation. I learned more about my coworkers Kazu and Ayako and Abe. They offered me new foods to try, eager to see if I would like them. They were all delicious. Ayako was sweet. She played in a band. She wanted to open her own hostel some day. Kazu was probably one of the silliest people I had ever met. He wanted to know how Americans feed their kids when they don’t want to eat. I picked up some food with my chopsticks and started to move it toward his mouth saying in Japanese “here comes the plane.” I told him that’s how. He told me that in Japan it’s with a train. So I switched up my act. Several of us finished our beers and we finished some food. Kazu told me to use the phone to order some stuff. I asked who wanted more alcohol. Picked up the phone, and in my best Japanese ordered several more beers and shared plates for the table. There were no mistakes in the order when the food came. I felt proud. I felt like I was a meaningful part of the staff now. Like, at least for the moment, I belonged here. All thanks to these wonderful co-workers who were treating me like someone who belonged, even though I was aggressively different from all of them. I admired their hospitality.

              More food, more drinks. We begin to wrap it up. Ayako suggests going to Karaoke afterwards. I love karaoke. I’m incredibly excited. We leave the Izakaya—Ayako, Kazu, Johana, Hiroki, and me—and walk over to a nearby karaoke parlor. Ayako gets us a room. We’re required to buy a drink as well. I’ve drank a lot so I get some hot tea. Our room is ready. We go up. It’s a spacious room with soft leather lounge seating, a large screen, and two microphones. There’s an ipad we can use to sign up for songs. Hiroki goes first. He sings stand-by-me. Ayako tells me it’s his favorite song and he preforms it all the time as a cover. He does a great job, has a great voice, with minimal accent. I go next and sing Country roads. It’s a big hit. Kazu asks me if I know the Japanese version and if I could sing it. I actually do, and I sign up for it as my next song, but tel Kazu he has to go first and sing an English song. He plays along and sings “a whole new world.” I’m up again. I sing the Japanese version of country roads from the movie “whisper of the heart.” It goes strikingly well. I’m able to read all of the Japanese text on the screen and keep up without difficulty. Everyone claps for me. I blush. It feels like a hug accomplishment. Next up Ayako goes. She picks a Ballad by Misia about friendships ending. She is singing it to Johana. They both begin to cry during the performance. Kazu tells me that Johana and Ayaco became incredible friends while Johana was working. It was sweet, tender, I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at the same time. When it was my time, would people be equally sad to see me go? Would I make that kind of impact or difference? Johana thanked ayaco and gave her a hug. Next Johana sings “Cruel Angel’s Thesis,” the opening to an incredibly popular Anime. Nearly everyone is singing along. I ask Kazu next if he wants to sing a duet with me. He wants to do Frozen. We pick “love is an open door.” For whatever reason I take the female part. It’s a huge hit. I start to realize how much I enjoy spending time with these new co-workers and friends. I’m so grateful to be a part of a community like this right now. Our song is a huge hit. We go down to get some more drinks, this time beer, then come back up. Everyone sings a few more songs. I try my hand at singing some Ikiminono Gakari, one of my favorite Japanese artists. The others help out when I struggle. Eventually the phone in the room rings to tell us that our time will be ending soon. We decide not to extend. We all work in the morning and need to get to sleep. Ayaco and Kazu tell me that there’s a festival coming up shortly at the local shrine and suggest that we all go together. “I would love that” I tell them. Then Ayaco takes out her bag and removes a present and hands it to Johana. “Thank you for being my friend.” She says. Johana opens the gift. It’s a yukata—a traditional Japanese garb. Johana is overjoyed and thanks Ayaco profusely.  Our time at karaoke is up. We leave. We all walk Ayaco to the train station so she can get home. Then Hiroki and I start to head back, Johana joins us. We all go to the apartment. Johana wants to talk to Hiroki longer. They too had become good friends while she worked there. As they chat in the living room they put on a TV show called “why you come to Japan?” Where producers follow foreigners around Japan to broadcast why they came and their adventures. It’s a fairly interesting show. I had never seen anything quite like it before. It seemed very strange. The most popular stories had to do with romance or big outdoor adventures. Hiroki and Johana talked for a while longer. Tomo was already in the room attempting to sleep. I offer to get some snacks for everyone at 7-11. I grab some breads and anti-hangover juices and bring them back. We have a little meal. I study my book a bit, then go to bed. I thank Hiroki for the fun night. I wish Johana the best, and tell her it was a pleasure meeting her. Then I go to bed.

              The next morning the overall energy of the hostel and my co-workers feels vastly different. People seem to be chipper, more excited to see one another. I’m so happy to see my co-workers again, and to feel a part of this community. We get our assignments for the day. Today I work with Ayaco. We work well together. We talk a lot about music. I tell her about my upbringing and that my parents are musicians. I tell her I play violin and piano as well. She wants to hear me play. I’m touched. She states she has a piano at her house and would love to host a diner party at some point. I tell her that sounds lovely. But tonight she and Hiroki are both playing at a local venue and we should all go. Music seems to be the language that needs no translation. I feel grateful to have this musical background now. We finish up our work. For the first time I fill out the lost-and-found report, entirely in Japanese, with some help from the others. Then I go to a café with Kazu and Ayaco in Ueno park (it’s just a Starbucks). Ayaco wants the cherry-blossom flavored drink. We go, get our drinks, chat, get to know each other better. Ayaco starts recording and pretends to give me a mock interview so I can talk about the drink in Japanese. Then gives it to Kazu and asks him what he thinks. It’s more fun than I think, I feel impressed with how articulate I was able to be in Japanese. I really feel like I’m making progress with this language. I interview Ayaco and Kazu as well. Ayaco says it’s time to leave to make it to the concert. She texts me the directions. We head out.

              The venue is in Yoyogi, a short train ride away. Ayaco says that Hiroki will meet us there. We ride the train. Most people are standing in silence, some older men reading graphic novels while standing. Then we get to the venue. It’s a small underground basement venue. Hiroki is at the entrance. He tells me he’ll help us get tickets. He tells the front-desk worker that I’m his friend who has come to see him preform and asks if I can get a discount ticket. They briefly relent. They say, “but he’s not Japanese.” Hiroki starts, “but he lives with me.” Then I ask if I could get a ticket. I tell the man it’s not a big deal if I have to pay full. He seems to appreciate my offer and ends up offering me the discounted ticket anyway. The man tells me that I have to buy a drink inside, it’s the policy.

              They let us in. Hiroki and Ayaco go through a side door, I enter into the middle with Kazu. It’s a large baren floor space without seats, with many people standing around. There are two drink bars on either side, and a large, well-lit stage at the front. I grab a program. Then I walk up with Kazu and we each buy a drink. I look at the program, apparently Hiroki is the first performer. Ayaco comes back from side-stage and joins Kazu and I. The lights dim, the stage lights come on, and Hiroki walks out with his guitar and sits on a stool. We cheer loudly for him. He decides to start with some Elton John. Ayaco tells me that Hiroki only likes to sing in English if he can. I find that interesting. He does a good job and the audience seems to like it. Then he closes his short set with “stand-by-me.” It’s a hug crowd-pleaser. It seems like every person in the audience knows it. Ayaco looks proud. She tells me that she taught him that song. Hiroki finishes and joins us in the audience. Next a local artist that I’m unfamiliar with comes on. They are playing some original Japanese Indie-rock that they wrote. It’s pretty good, I think. I’m excited to have heard some original music. Their set is short. Now it’s Ayaco’s turn to go up. One of Ayaco’s friends comes and introduces herself to us. She seems kind, she states that sometimes Ayaco and her play together, and that they want to eventually start an original band. Ayaco sings an original soft acoustic ballad to start. It’s quite beautiful. Her next song is tender as well. I am very impressed. My new friends are talented. Her set ends. We congratulate her. Her other friend congratulates her. Then we all head out.

              With everyone leaving around the same time, the train becomes strikingly busy. We have to push and bump against people just to make space for ourselves. Hiroki and I get back to the apartment. I briefly review the words I had learned from the graphic novel the night before, and then go to bed. It was a good night. I’m excited to see what the next day would bring. With everything so new and different, I find myself having a new excitement for each new day that I hadn’t experienced since early childhood. It’s a wonderful feeling. I realize that by changing my situation I can re-create this feeling and perhaps lead a better life. Trying to be something or someone else was teaching me a lot.

              Morning and work happen without incident. Today I am given new duties. I will clean the private rooms, which involves more extensive cleaning and sheet folding in order to make the bed. Kazu tells me he’ll show me how to do it. I’m happy to be gaining new responsibilities. I end up preferring the private room. It’s a little more relaxed, and I have more space to myself. I had been listening to Japanese language tapes while working, and this environment made it easier to concentrate. I flip the rooms. I have something to look forward to. Today is Ayaco’s dinner party. Johana happens to be around for one more day, so it will be her, Kazu, Ayako, and me. Kazu knows where it is. After work we grab a quick coffee, and then I follow Kazu to the train station. I buy a new Suica card (which is the train pass). We get on the train. It’s relatively quiet today, surprisingly. Ayaco lives in a tall, narrow house nearby the other train station. We knock on the door. She’s already cooking. It all smells incredible. Kazu has brought a bottle of red-wine. Ayaco shows me the piano and a stack of books. It’s a dinky electric piano without weighted keys. I’m worried. I have not played in a long time and I’m afraid of making a fool of myself.  Ayaco asks if I will play while she and Kazu prepare dinner. I pick up a book of easier Mozart sonatas that I’m fairly certain I have played before. I begin to play. It feels sloppy. Without weighted keys I’m uncertain about my fingers and the optimal amount of pressure to use for dynamics. Nonetheless, everyone is kind and thanks me for playing. They say that it makes it feel like a real diner party. I’m flattered. I continue to play. Kazu offers me a small glass of wine with a straw so I can drink while playing. Ayaco finishes dinner with the help of Johana and Kazu. It smells incredible. She states that it’s time to eat, and they bring all the food upstairs, presumably to the dining area. I follow the rest up. We sit cross-legged at a small table. The food smells amazing and is a gorgeous spread. There are dumplings, gyoza, tempura, and even some homemade okonomiyaki (a savory Japanese cabbage pancake). Ayaco passes around small plates so we can all share and dish out our own food. Kazu poors more wine. I accidently spill mine on the carpet. I’m incredibly embarrassed. But Ayaco tells me it’s happened before and it’s OK and that she can clean it up. I start to wonder if these are some of the nicest people  I had ever met. We get to talking and eating. I learn that Johana is from Germany and got into Japanese culture through Manga which she read as a kid. And early in grade-school she taught herself the language. I’m impressed, by now she is nearly fluent. They teach me some new colloquial Japanese words and I try to commit them to memory. We talk about the festival in a few days. Unfortunately Johana will be leaving before the festival and will be unable to join us. We tell her we’ll be thinking of her. We finish up diner. We thank Ayaco for the food and hospitality. It’s raining now. She gives us umbrellas to borrow on our walk to the train station. Then we all head back. I sleep well that night, despite Tomo’s snoring.

              I’ll skip ahead. It’s the night of the festival. It’s at the Kaminarimon shrine (thunder gate). I meet Kazu and Ayaco at the entrance. They are both wearing Yukatas. They ask me why I don’t have one. I tell them I don’t own one, and I also explain that I would feel strange wearing traditional Japanese clothing like that as a foreigner. They tell me that it would be fine and that it happens all the time, but the accept me with my flowery shirt and shorts and we get ready to head into the festival. There is traditional music coming from inside. They ask if I’ve been to a festival before, I tell them no. They tell me that this particular one is very famous, and that it’s done to promote good luck for everyone and for Japan. We begin to walk through. There are several pop-up wooden structures set up selling food and drink and games. Kazu and Ayaco explain the famous foods and games to me at the different stations, and the games that kids usually play. We  go buy some beers  and then some fried sweet dough that’s shaped to resemble a fish. Ayaco tells me that this is very famous. We continue to walk around. We walk up to some fortune telling. Ayaco and Kazu are given good fortunes. I get one, I can’t read it, but Kazu laughs and tells me it’s a bad fortune (who knows, was this the first sign that I was going to get cancer?) I’m not a superstitious person, but I’m sure that someone who is may think this. We go and observe the local music for a bit. Then we go and buy some Takoyaki (fried octopus balls) and share them. The festival is fun. Kazu asks if we could all go to Karaoke afterwards. It sounds fun. I agree. We do it. A great end to a great night. I’m grateful for these new friends I’ve made through working. I say goodbye and then go back to the apartment and go to sleep. Tomorrow there would be a firework show on the local river—the Sumidagawa.

              Another day of work. I finally feel like a meaningful part of the team. I’m excited for the firework show later that evening. Hiroki wants to go out for Ramen before the fireworks. He says he knows the best local place. We finish up work. Kazu joins Hiroki and I as we go to a local ramen shop. You order via a ticket in a vending machine and then bring the ticket to the counter. I order a basic soy-sauce ramen and a beer. We hand our tickets to the counter and then sit down. A couple minutes later our food is served. It’s absolutely delicious-rich and creamy. But soon the amount of fat in the broth starts to get to me and I start to feel nauseous, and so I have to stop. Hiroki laughs at me and tells me I’m not a real Japanese. I tell him he’s definitely right. We finish our food, or I do as much as I can, and then get ready to head out. Hiroki hands me a card on a lanyard. “What’s this?” “It’s your resident card, to prove that you live here, you need it to watch the fireworks.” I thank him. I check the card. It looks official. Somehow it has my name on it and everything. Hiroki says he’ll lead the way, and so we start to head out. Near the river there’s a large police checkpoint baring people from getting in unless they present the propper identification. Beyond the checkpoint is the shore of the river with several chairs set out. Kazu goes up and shows his resident card and the police let him through. Tomo and Abe and some of the other co-workers are already out there sitting down. Next I try and get by. The police refuse me. They tell me that I’m not a resident. I hold out the card and point to my name and implore them in Japanese. They won’t have it. They tell me that there is no way I could be a resident because I don’t look Japanese. They tell me to stop trying to get into something that I don’t belong at. I’m incredibly flustered. Hiroki tries to come to my rescue. He explains to them that I do live here, look at my resident card, and that we live in the same apartment together. It looks like they may bend. They ask me if I have a visa as well. I tell them I do have a visa (somewhat of a lie because it was just a 90-day travel visa). But I tell them that I didn’t have my passport on me because I was worried about it getting stolen. They seemed to understand this. They looked at my resident card one more time and then looked at Hiroki. “We believe you” they told him, and then they let the two of us through. I was thankful for Hiroki’s help, but incredibly flustered. This whole time I had been trying to live like a normal person in Japan. I had made a community, my Japanese was improving, I felt like I was truly making progress towards being accepted as some sort of pseudo-resident, but after one run-in with the police I all-of-a-sudden felt like I no longer belonged. What was worse is that I believed it was because of how I looked, because I had the resident card and could speak Japanese well-enough. They had definitely stopped me because of how I looked. I thought to myself that this must not be an experience that most white people ever had, and I was very grateful to feel it first-hand. I made a vow to myself then that when I got back I would do everything I possibly could to fight racism and sexism and ostracism due to physical appearance. And through these friends I had learned a personal way to help. Relationships and connection is what brought disparate people together and could make people feel as though they belonged. I wanted to make sure that whoever was around me at any time, they truly felt like they belonged.

              We took some seats. Hiroki apologized for the situation. Then some boats came out and the fireworks began. They were beautiful. We watched a while, and then I remembered that the next day was my last day of work, and that the day after I would be flying back to America. It made me sad. I didn’t want to leave these new friends yet.

              My last day. It felt surreal. I was incharge of the top floor today. This was my least favorite floor because it was the hottest and most humid. After cleaning, Ayaco and Kazu approached me. They asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee because it was my last day. I said yes. We went to a local café that specialized in cute foam designs on lattes. I got one with a cat. I told Ayaco and kazu how much I appreciated spending time with them, and that I hoped we could stay friends. We were sure to exchange contact information. They told me to reach out if I were ever back. (That would be easy, they eventually would get married—a fantastic couple and boy do I love them both). Kazu tells me that later that night at the hostel they are going to throw a little going away for me. I’m touched. We finish our fancy drinks. I go down into the department store to pick up some snacks that I could bring on the plane. Kazu suggests some dried shrimp snacks. Then we head back to the hostel. The center table on the tatami matt is set up with a plethora of drinks and food. Hiroki and Tomo and Megume are already sitting down there. Hiroki gestures for us to come over. I set my snacks off to the side and go to sit down. Ayaco and Kazu sit on either side of me. I see a stack of present bags in the back corner. Hiroki starts by saying that everyone has enjoyed working with and getting to  know me over these last few weeks. I thank him and everyone else. Then people start chanting for a speech. I blush. I eventually stand up and give my best speech in Japanese, thanking everyone for the opportunity and their hospitality and friendship, and that I hope we’ll meet again, and that if they’re ever in America the ought to visit me. Clapping, I blush more. Kazu states that it’s time for gifts. Kazu starts. He hands me a bag, inside is a sake cup set with Mt. Fuji designed on it. Next Ayaco gives me a tenagui, a sort of cloth that can be used for packaging or decoration or even cleaning. It’s really a piece of art and a traditional gift. Hiroki gives me a glass with Mt. Fuji on it. Then I reach into my bag and remove a bag of starbucks coffee I had purchased earlier and place it in the center of the table. “Some coffee from Seattle. I hope you’ll enjoy it and think of me when you drink it.” Then I tell them that I’ll send some real coffee from Seattle some-time to the hostel. I thank everyone for the gifts, we give out hugs. I put the gifts in my bag. I tell everyone that I hope to see them again one day. They wish me safe travels tomorrow. I want to go to Karaoke one more time before leaving, but no one seems to have the energy. So I go back to the apartment. I spend another couple hours studying Japanese because I’m not ready to say that this is over yet. In the morning I would have a long train-ride to the airport and then a long flight back to Seattle. And then in a few weeks I would begin Medical school in Spokane, Washington. One journey ends, and another begins. But I knew this Japan trip would permanently change how I valued people and interacted with the world, and for that I was profoundly grateful. I also felt as though I gained valuable insight into how to change patterns of thoughts, and how to make certain concepts more available to myself, and that this would be a useful skill for years to come. Even if I left having not learned much Japanese, these was an incredibly valuable experience.

              The next morning I grabbed my stuff, went to the same convenience store I had been a million times before, told the shopkeeper goodbye and thanked him for his hospitality, then got on the train to the airport. It was otherwise a relatively uneventful journey home, although I did cry while watching some movies on the plane. That’s life, everything ends in some way or another. We move on to the next thing, or others do. I was incredibly excited to begin my next chapter at the University of Washington School of Medicine. Although on my mind at the time, I realized I had not set up any living situation yet. I did my best not to think about it. All I knew was that It was incredibly important to challenge myself in profound ways if I wanted to extract the most meaning out of life, and I wanted the same for others, and that the small details would work themselves out, or others would help me work them out, and so perhaps spending the energy and time dwelling over those things was not worthwhile. I landed. My parents picked me up. I told them about the trip. I slept in my own bed, and I thought about medical school beginning in a few weeks.